How should I honor my parents?

At a time when failed marriages, broken homes, spousal abuse, and neglect affect way too many households, the fifth commandment, “Honor your father and your mother,” presents a real challenge for millions of children. That wasn’t as big an issue when I was growing up, as all of my friends and neighbors lived in two-parent households where most conflicts were hidden from the community.

I only knew of one abusive father, and wouldn’t have known that except that some of the abuse could be easily heard through open windows and seen on the bruised faces of both my friend and his mother. My father’s step-mother was a neglectful alcoholic and my mother was orphaned young, yet both drilled into me the importance of the Ten Commandments and, in particular, honoring father and mother. But how does one go about doing it?

1. Show Respect Through Words and Actions
–Speak kindly to and about your parents, avoiding harsh or disrespectful language.
–Acknowledge their wisdom and experience, even when you may not always agree with them.

2. Demonstrate Gratitude
–Recognize the sacrifices your parents have made and express your appreciation regularly.
–A simple “thank you” or heartfelt gesture can go a long way in honoring them.

3. Care for Them in Practical Ways
–Be attentive to their needs, especially as they age. This could mean helping them with daily tasks, ensuring their well-being, or providing for them if they require financial or physical support.
–Visit or call them regularly, letting them know they are valued.

4. Listen and Learn
–Take time to hear their stories, advice, and lessons. This demonstrates respect and helps preserve the wisdom of one generation for the next.

5. Set Boundaries When Necessary
–Honoring parents doesn’t mean permitting harmful behavior. In cases of strained or difficult relationships, maintain boundaries while still showing respect and care where possible.

6. Teach the Next Generation
–Model honoring behavior for your own children or those in your care. This reinforces the importance of the commandment across generations.

7. Pray for Your Parents
–Include them in your prayers, asking for their health, happiness, and spiritual growth.

As you can see, honoring your father and mother is not just about obedience but about cultivating an enduring spirit of respect and gratitude, reflecting God’s love and order for families and communities. This commandment encourages not only personal growth but also brings harmony to families and societies.

Though I had memorized the short version of the commandments, I learned early that the fifth was the only one that came with a promise.

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12

This promise became a cornerstone of Jewish ethical and moral teachings. This ancient decree, that talked about how the Israelites would would enjoy God’s favor if they kept this commandment, resonated not just with its original audience but also with contemporary believers seeking God’s guidance for the restoration of families and improved social relationships.

For Jews, this commandment holds profound significance as it bridges the two tablets of the Ten Commandments, connecting duties toward God (the first four commandments) with responsibilities toward others (the last six). Honoring parents is viewed as an extension of honoring God Himself, as parents are seen as partners with God in the act of creation. The commandment underscores the importance of family, community, and the transmission of values from one generation to the next.

Among my Jewish playmates, I observed a deep respect toward their parents. Anyone making a disparaging remark about another’s parent would find himself getting pummelled. I began to understand that honoring one’s parents went much deeper than obeying them.

As I matured and began to read what others said about the Ten Commandments, I learned that for more than 3000 years, scholars and theologians have reflected deeply on the fifth commandment. Maimonides, the medieval Jewish philosopher, outlined practical aspects of honoring parents, including serving them, speaking respectfully, and tending to their needs. Christian theologians like Augustine have also commented on this commandment, viewing it as foundational to societal structure and the love of neighbor. It is considered a universal principle, applicable to all cultures and times.

Today’s commentators highlight the psychological and emotional dimensions, noting how honoring parents fosters gratitude, emotional maturity, and the healing of generational divides. They also explore the complexities of honoring parents in situations of strained or abusive relationships, emphasizing boundaries while maintaining respect.

What I have learned is that keeping the Fifth Commanment has the positive effect of strengthening family bonds because it teaches the value of nurturing family relationships through respect, care, and open communication.

I’ve also seen how it reinforces gratitude and humility by reminding me of the many sacrifices and contributions my parents made to propel me into adulthood with a strong grounding in faith and an understanding of how to thrive in society.

Perhaps more importantly, I have seen how honoring my parents has set an example for our children and grandchildren, perpetuating values of respect and care across generations.

By contrast, I don’t have to look far to see how disregarding this commandment can lead to fractured family relationships and societal instability. The Bible outlines dire consequences, such as community strife and divine disfavor, for failing to honor one’s parents (Deuteronomy 27:16). But even deeper, I have observed how neglecting the duty of honoring parents has resulted in guilt, regret, and diminished emotional well-being for many.

The commandment to honor one’s father and mother invites us, as believers, to reflect on our role within our families and communities. It is not merely an obligation but a pathway to spiritual growth, societal harmony, and divine blessing. In a world often marked by division and individualism, this timeless command offers a profound reminder of the enduring power of love, respect, and connection.

If you have suffered from a dysfunctional family and have trouble with the concept of honoring father and mother, think about a father you can honor and even worship. God, our Father, is ready to be your comforter and savior. Learn more about how to become a son or daughter of a father who will never disappoint you. Learn more by reading our post: How Can I Become a Christian.

The Ten Commandments

And God spoke all these words:

² “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

³ “You shall have no other gods before me.

⁴ “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

⁷ “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

⁸ “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. ¹¹ For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

¹² “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

¹³ “You shall not murder.

¹⁴ “You shall not commit adultery.

¹⁵ “You shall not steal.

¹⁶ “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

¹⁷ “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

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